Edison had been playing with us, and I think he was kind of
intrigued about what we were up to. But he was more into
short rhythmic street music. We didn't have any interest in
that. Although we did like the idea of reggae rhythm. But
reggae was becoming very played out and not interesting
anymore. All I bought for a while was tons of reggae records,
although I couldn't afford it, that's all we had in the house.
It's funny, we needed a new stereo, all we had was this piece
of shit that I found in the street, and we would play things on
it, me and Kim. But we were losing interest in that kind of
music and gettin' more and more interested in the experi-
mental music side of things, being Glen Branca or Pere Ubu,
and discovering Captain Beefheart really, cause I didn't listen
to Captain Beefheart when I was young, and really exploring
things that we thought were very hip about Velvet Underground,
and wondering why our favorite Stooges song was LA blues,
things like that.
And after the Noise Fest, Kim said to ask Lee, cause his band
wasn't together as far as I could tell and he was doing time with
Glenn. And I asked him. I think I asked him at noise fest. Rich-
ard Edison also wanted to do other things, he didn't take it seri-
ously, didn't think we were actually gonna go anywhere with it.
Nobody thought anybody was gonna go anywhere with a band,
you know, you're young and doing things. But I was very serious,
I wanted to get something solidified and I wanted to like crush
New York with something. That's all I cared about, you know
blowing away everybody......
Then Kim met this gallery owner, his name was Josh Baer. Kim
was still involved with the art world so much, she came here to be
in the art world, and like most young artists that came here, for
her, music was the most exciting art. And she said" This guy owns
this gallery, he might be interested in doing some musical night
here or something, maybe we can do something. And I talked to
So we had know drummer, but we got this gig at the art gallery
with some other acts. It was Lee, Kim and me, as Sonic Youth,
and we rehearsed just once, the night before. Lee came to re-
hearse with us at White Columns. Cause we had access to this
gallery where we did the noise fest. We had no amps. I had a
few ideas and I showed them to Lee and Kim. We didn't have
any really good instruments. I had to borrow a guitar from Glen.
And after that I had a cheap one. I really like the way Glen did
alternate tuning, that was very instrumental. But these cheap
guitars took that even further, 'cause they were so cheap, they
didn't sound good any other way. If we tuned normal, it was sort
of shitty guitar, but if you tune it really low, and then you just jam
a stick in there, and then like start banging...
So I said, "this is a song" and Lee would say "yeah" and play,
and Kim played that sort of bass sound, really free. Lee had that
drill, I don't know how that came into it. We said something about
a drill sound, and Lee who is very excitable, said he could put it
though the amp with a mike, and he did. That was great! That was
like "nobody does shit like that!" and so we did another gig at
some space as a benefit for some stupid little art magazine, and
that's when things started getting reckless and we figured out we
were having fun.
We were a bit younger then the audience, you know cause the
audience at these things were kind of older. At least I was. Lee
and Kim were about the same age, but I was younger and I really
got excited. We did these songs, like bashing the guitars, scream-
ing some lyrics, Lee playing the drill. Played like for ten, fifteen
minutes, and then jumped into the audience like "OK see you later
we're going down to CBGB's!" We left them smoking, grabbed our
guitars and went outside. It was great. That was the first time I
realized this could be a lot of fun.
And then Richard Edison came back into the fold, and we did some
gigs with him, and Glen started Neutral Records. We had only been
together as a unit with Richard six months, and really had like six
songs. We weren't gettin any gigs anywhere, but we would rehearse
once in awhile.
In The Mind Of The Borgeois Reader
Waking up at 9 AM in NYC can be a very sexy thing.
Especially when there's a female yelling up to your
apartment from outside. I had to cut some overdubs
that afternoon. It was our last day of recording and
tomorrow at 3 we were moving studios and going into
The morning was beautiful, sunny and cold and I knew
right away who's voice it was. It belonged to this girl named
Jackie who was coming up to me at gigs to talk about music
and stuff. She was always fawning but never really saying
or doing anything embarrassing. For certain, she was semi-
voluptuous. And I knew she was cool cuz her name was the
same as the girl from STP. Plus she was Jewish. I think.
She seemed to like me quite a bit and it was obvious it was
only because I was an all-of-the-sudden famous "alternative"
rock star. Not a stud, but a nerd. And therefore "cool".
Last night I had run into her at a free-jazz basement gig on
Bond St. The underground tenor legend Charles Gayle was play-
ing and the atmosphere was very interesting. It was at this point
that I knew something was going on, maybe she wanted to make
out with me or something, and I joked to her about how I'd love
to get an early start for the next day so I could get some personal
shit done before running off to the studio. She poked me in the hip
and said " I'll wake you up" and then she spun around to socialize
and hang out. I kinda really didn't know what to say but was excited
and a bit nervous. As soon as the gig ended she split.
So that morning......
I bolted to the window with just my shorts on and said "hey" and
tossed her my keys in a sock. I threw a T-shirt on and started to
make coffee. She brought a thing of orange juice with her.
Her first words were: "hey do you do drugs?"
" Um no not really."
"I don't either," she said.
"I mean I used to in school. Blotter acid was a big thing. But...you
know in New York it's too fucked. I'm kind of straight-edge I guess.
I smoke pot once in awhile..."
"Yeah, God, Ilove pot!"
"Really? hmmm, I might have something stashed away here
The thought of smoking pot with this girl was very exciting, That
was indeed the situation where romance would almost have to be
the outcome. And I knew I had a half-full one hitter.
"You want some coffee?" I asked.
"Sure...here's some orange juice too. No, the reason I was asking was
cuz my roommate broke up with this guy and he left a tin foil thing
of cocaine in her bedroom. And um it's been a while and she said
she was gonna throw it out. Or I could take it if I wanted. She didn't seem
to really care."
"Yeah so I thought we should do lines with our orange juice."
" But it's been a long time since I've snorted cocaine. I don't wanna get a
fucking heart attack or anything."
" I think it's cool. She said she did some and it was pretty mellow."
" Alright, let's fuckin do it."
She was laughing and I was super happy.
"You want some milk in your coffee?"
"Yeah, just milk."
She had a razorblade inside the tinfoil and chopped the shit up while I
"How old are you?" I asked.
"Your 29 right?" She knew.
"Yep I'm old"
"Naw, but that's cool."
She had the dopest V-cut polyester thing- it was like a Burger King
outfit- but very luscious. Very rocking. We snorted the lines with a
dollar bill and chugged OJ. It felt good almost immediately especially
after the OJ washing over the chemical taste. Smoking pot was the
best chaser in the world for coke. And when you started getting high
on that you light up a cigarette. It's very amazing.
We were looking at each other just smiling as we simultaneously felt
the rocking high.
"I'll get the weed" I said.
I got the one hitter and a lighter and sat back down.
"Here you can have the first hit."
I stuffed it for her and gave her the metal pipe.
"Hold it up so it doesn't spill."
She wasn't hip to the one hitter but that was cool cause it was cute
and she was right there in front of me. She took it all in and passed
it back. As I was toking she sat on my lap and blew out smoke in my
face. She was smiling all high and glass-eyed. We took a few more
turns, put the shit down and then made out for awhile.
"Hey, let's watch TV," I said.
The TV was near the bed.The morning shows, to me, are a sublime
turn-on- a vital part of the erotic effervescence of the chilly winter day.
And so then.......
We jumped in bed and rolled around a bit kissing and petting.I
pinned her shoulders down and straddled her waist kissing her face.Her
hair was blond with really dark roots.I pulled off the top of her Burger
king outfit and started kissing her VERY DELICIOUS , VERY SEXY
Body. I pulled off her skirt and her underwear and saw she had beautiful
black, pubic hair. I had sworn a long time ago not to obsession any one
body part and new it was always much more rewarding to feel and sense
the woman as a whole. I also remembered reading something by a
woman about how to totally approach giving head and the one thing was
to put in your mind that the girl is a queen and you are servicing and you lick
them as your invitedinto sacred territory. It's also much greater for the
man if he succeeds in this.Well that's certainly the head I got into on that
In the midst of my cunnilingus activity she would lift up her legs and
create a very penetrable position. I realized she had come as she
settled down, purring and laughing. I began to lick her stomach but
she got up and pushed me back. She was stroking me and biting me
"Can we use a rubber?" she said.
"yeah, of course."
She padded to her coat and came back with a rubber. She put it on
then straddled on top of me and began to glide it in. She moved
around the head for a little bit which got us both nuts and then
she slipped it all the way in. We were fucking and while we were
fucking she would arch her back up for awhile and then come down
to me kissing me. She turned around at one point and layed her
back to my chest and I bit her ear and neck while petting her whole
body. I was totally ready to blow it but I knew I didn't want to and
tried to slow things down. I slipped it out in a way where I knew it
wouldn't explode. I cooled off for a little and we layed side by side
staring at each other. We started to make out again and I got on
top of her and slowly put it back in and then we rolled onto our sides
and gently rocked.
"Where exactly do you live?" I asked in a luxurious bed-tone.
"This girl Marcy has a place in Tribeca where I stay at."
"She's your room-mate??
"Yeah, kind of."
"I don't think I know her...."
"She works at BYG, she says she knows you."
"Oh Yeah,...she's like the new A&R person there, She's cool..."
"Yeah, totally cool. She signed Snow."
"Oh Man that's pretty heavy."
"Should we do it doggy style?" She asked.
Amazing. I kind of froze. "If you want, yeah."
I only knew one other girl who liked doin it doggy style. You got to
like it to do it otherwise it doesn't really work. Jackie was so hot
doing it that I was gonna come instantly. Two strokes was the maximum
and I had to freeze other wise it was over. I told her this, my heart pound-
ing, and carefully slipped out. She turned around and we both sat in the
middle of the bed, me very much with a full hard on. She began to FEEL
ME UP and stroked my cock and I orgasmed like crazy.
"Woa..." I sighed- she laughed and we fell back and hugged and
ed each other in the afterglow.
"I should probably leave for the studio soon."
"You guys are pretty much done, right?"
"Yeah, it's just a couple of guitar things, all the vocals are done,"
"Whats the cover?"
"Um, I don't know, I've had a few ideas..."
"John told me he heard some stuff and it was like minimal and
little less crazy. He said he really liked it."
"Oh yeah, that's cool. I'd play you something but I'm so burned on it
"That's all right."
I was so in love with this girl. The cocaine was cheap and the only remnant
of it was wanting to smoke cigarettes. I wanted to ask her to come with me
to the studio because I didn't want her to leave me. I imagined us staying
in all day ordering food in, maybe doing a movie, then spending the night
and seeing where we were at the following day.
"I'm gonna call over there and see what's up," I said.
"Do you have to go to work or something?"
"No, I'm going to school at NYU and today is like one class I can easily miss."
I got through to our producer guy and asked him if he could find any
other shit to do and let me finish later in the mixing studio. It was an
outrageous request and I could sense him getting pissed. He was also
curious as I'm usually pretty responsible and aware of what has to be
done. I had to go in; I told him I'd explain later.
"You wanna go up with me? I asked
Where is it exactly?"
"Up in the twenties on the West side, in Chelsea."
"I should actually go out and buy a few things. I can call you there.
Do you wanna see a movie or something?"
":Yeah, that'd be cool." Movies were always cool.
"Did you see the half Japanese movie?"
" Yeah, it's pretty funny. It's pretty good in a way. Gerard Cosloy
actually disses Sonic Youth."
"Byron Coley is in it and Don Flemming and the whole gang."
"Did you see Byron's thing in the last Option?"
"Yeah, He told me he hates Option."
I had some more coffee and talked more about half Japanese and
movies and I got dressed and went up town.
"I better run, you can leave when you want, the door'll lock behind
"OK, good luck, try not to break any strings."
We didn't hug or do any horney stuff, or kiss, but it was cool and understood.
"I'll write a song about you" I said, instantly embarassed by the
corniness of it. It was enough to create a dumb, akward moment
but Jackie saved the day.
"I wrote one about you..." She said.
"Are you kidding?"
"No, I play with that girl Darlene from the Shadows."
"Oh man, she's amazing."
"I knew her from New Jersey."
"You're from Jersey?"
"Hey are you Jewish?"
"Yeah, why? Your Not?"
"No, There's something really cool about certain Jewish people's
eyes, and...I don't know...there's a really cool vibe...but... you
know...it's a groovy thing...whatever
She jumped up to me and grabbed me kissing me on the lips.
"I'm gonna call Darlene and then go out."
Our band was getting big really quick. We'd been playing for five or six
years together and were in other stupid bands before but for some reason,
our shit clicked. We signed after our first album came out on Sub Pop in
89', I had one girlfriend for two years and another one for four. Each time
I had been totally in love but both girls eventually got to a point where it
seemed like they were locked into a guy (me) and the fact that they could be
locked there forever created a problem. Both of em, after we split, got
involved with long affairs.
When MTV made us famous I started having sex with different girls
and woman. I had always aspired to have casual sex but I was too shy
about getting it happening plus I wasn't exactly Keanu Reeves. Most
girls had boyfriends anyway. I figured on being a single loner guy for
awhile because usually every time I did sleep with someone I'd feel
myself falling in unhinged love, forever again. I had to be careful.
She never called the studio and I was kind of bumming but I knew
it wasn't a fluke. Our compatibility at gigs was a strong bond. But...
You never know.....
When I got home she was sitting on my stoop. She looked incredible
with a pink pea-coat and an SOS records knit cap on.
"How are you doing?" I asked.
"Hey how'd it go?" she responded.
We went upstairs talking about record stores as Jackie had made the
rounds. She had got a Brat Mobile single, a Rudolph Grey CD, a Stereo-
lab cassette thing, and a fanzine with a picture of me at a hole gig. I
wanted to hear the Rudolph thing as he was my favorite guitarist. It
was pretty intense. She seemed to be genuinely into it which was pretty
interesting because most girls totally ignore Rudolph's more majestic
qualities. And those qualities were very apparent on this CD.
"You Know, I have to get this cover done for our album."
"So do it."
"I had this idea of chopping all these magazines and putting
together pieces like an abstract puzzle, but base it on color, or
whatever else looks good."
"That sounds pretty cool."
"The thing is, I should probably do it tonight."
"You want me to help?"
"Yeah, if you want."
"OK- we can order some food later."
I wondered if she had any money. Most people didn't I didn't until
this year and now I'm fucking loaded. She knew that though, and
that was cool. We listened to the stereolab thing and sat on the floor
cutting out squares and pictures from a ton of magazines I had. Her
sensibility seemed very hip and unique and I was way into the stuff
she was cutting out.
"What's Darlene up to?" I asked.
"Oh The Shadows are playing Maxwells with Skinned Teen."
"Wow, that'll be hot."
"Yeah and Dame D'arcy."
"All right, D'arcy. She lives around here somewhere."
"Did you see Nirvana's gonna be on Letterman?"
"yeah, were touring with those guys in April or something."
"Oh my God, that'll be insane."
"Yeah I'm into it."
"I heard they were booed in Chicago or something."
"Yeah, I don't know man, there nice guys but Kurt gets pissed at
the playing situations or at shit they should have known going in.
I don't know..."
"It's cool there taking you on the road- who else is playing?"
"I don't know. Sonic Youth maybe..."
"Wow that'd be intense."
"Yeah but were too famous to go on first and Sonic Youth aren't
gonna go on first either, so...."
"I heard Sonic Youth might do Lollapalooza."
"I'd be very surprised. Sonic Youth with Lenny Kravitz and
"They've got a new record coming out."
"It's done. I've got a tape of it."
"What's it like?"
"It's weird, Im really into it. Eddie Vedder says he's really into it."
"You and Eddie."
"My good friend Eddie."
"Let's hear it."
This was bliss. I wanted to find out more about her band. Like
If they even have a name. And I want to find out more about those
girls who hang around The Shadows and what's up with them. I
wanted to kiss her forever.
Thurston's lyrics were funny. Jackie was at one with her work,
Bopping to the beat-
Seaside lover gonna rock the boat
Gonna roll it up fat superdope
Yeah, pass it around or stick it on a pin
Boojie lover with the bunny skin
My plastic lady here's a glitter roll
Straight from my heart thru my soul
Yeah I don't care about dirty hair
All praise do Queen and Yogi bear
SHE SAID GET BACK IN THE BOAT YEAH!
Vicarious pleasure in my brain
Fantastic life, never the same
Identity comes set it free
Come set me out to mystery
MISTER E-MIND YEAH
Silly rabbit trix are for kids
Yr carrot souffle's got me on the skids
I don't care about dirty hair
Got a fuzzy finger miss bunny tail
HIP HOP TILL YOU DROP YEAH!
HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP
HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP!
i bought a t-shirt w/ johnny thunders face on it
it read: dead or alive
that night at rehearsal the art school gang were not amused
and on our routine sojourn to the art punk club we separated.
they saw corn where i saw a last attempt at salutation to johnny
thunders. the heartbreakers with richard hell were not making
it at the art punk club. some chick, hip, asked me for a light as
i sat on the sidewalk landing. west broadway and north moore.
cool shirt she said. but she was tacky, corny gutter punk chic.
as young as me but maybe not so smart. i fucked up. i couldn't
even entertain the notion of her coming to my apartment for
sex. an event that never never happened*. (*actually once a
punk chick, drunk, all in black, came to my apartment after a
late night coffee shop encounter and i was so shocked that this
was happening that i couldn't do anything-it was: lame) the nerd
corn of my thunders tshirt and her leather mini and ripped fish-
net made me limp. i sat there on the landing late and smoked.
shannon, a real high energy troublemaker street wild dude my
age (19) bummed a smoke and proceeded to jabber and laugh
w/ his pals. some band called the lords had graffittid their name
huge across the street on some pull down door. shannon thought
the lords should come bursting through it in full rock n roll glory.
nothing was not funny. rock n roll, even punk, was getting assbit.
shannons friend jean-michel bounded out into the street, stopped
and stared at anything and nothing going on. he seemed wild.
these guys scared me as they were connected and fucked and
smoked with artists and they were rowdy lower manhattan
street rats and i was too shy to ingratiate myself to their company.
shannon: "yo whats up jean!?"-they took off...somewhere. probably
back to mudd club. i ambled home to deathsville-13th street and avenue a.
in the morning - children run screaming - playing w/ their
parents - aunts and uncles -sitting in lawnchairs - blasting
spanish music. when they call it quits there is silence.
police and fire sirens always - massive metal scraping
garbage truck - here n there - but no more people. when
it seems like its all over some unseen dudes sit in a car
outside the window and rev the engine. they just sit there
- and rev it - and on certain nights lean on the horn once
in a while. no one complains - its as if the hardcore
disregard is too insane to even figure complaining about.
the black guy upstairs has a doberman - he yells at in the
hallway - calls it cocksucker. my brother says he heard
him whipping the dog late in the night. the black guy likes
me - calls me slim - says he has a friend from con ed who
can give me a one shot hook up for $100 and i never have
another con ed bill. i go for it and it works - it seems like
a sweet deal. the couple cross the hall are young puerto
ricans. the girl is cute and knocks on my door to talk.
"do you mind turning yr guitar down? - what kind of
music do you like?" - she's in her bathrobe and her
boyfriend is a puerto rican badass. they're having
problems with their con ed hookup and need to stretch
a line through my back window which overlooks a dead
drop into black trash. theyll just plug in until they
straighten out their own deal. at some point my one-time
billing scam falls through and im being billed for both
apartments so i unplug their cord. i come home and they
must have crawled on a board between the two windows
to replug their power in. unbelievable. i tell them its not
cool i gotta pay for both apartments this way - "don't
worry we'll pay you back" - next day i unplug em again
and head out - i come back that eve and my door has
been jimmied open. their cord is plugged back in and
my guitar is gone - the stratocaster my brother bought
me. and my cassette/radio player. i go over there and
say that someone ripped off my guitar and how i unplugged
their power and now its plugged back in. they say they
don't know anything about the door being broke in. a
friend of theirs is hanging out and w/out looking at me
sez "you shouldn't move to new york" - the landlord
had been coming around yelling at people becuz a lot
of these renters cant pay the rent - including me - and
he's always giving verbal warnings. he gave me one
even though he knew i was a clean cut connecticut
geek. the puerto rican couple hightailed it soon
thereafter. the black guy upstairs had a couple of
friends - one guy was a slobbering drunken bum who
could hardly make it upstairs. he too called me slim and
was always thrilled to see me. last time i saw him was
when i opened my door after hearing a good 10 minutes
of weird moaning noise and there he was on the hallway
floor lying in a pool of blood and shit. i hopped over the
muck and ran upstairs and told the black guy - he came
running down and dragged the dude off up to his apartment
and kind of cleaned the floor up. but the red/brown goo
crust was always there. he had anothr friend - a wiry old
black man w/ no teeth - he also called me slim and was
also always real happy to see me. i crossed his path on
a hot 1st avenue day. he was standing in the shade of a
doorway. "hey slim whassup baby?" - "hey man" i
replied and stepped up to shoot the shit w/ this weird old
freak. the conversation ended when he asked me to come
up to his apartment and hang out sometime. i humored
him and said yeh sure. he then said "i like you white boy
you can fuck me in the ass" - i couldn't believe it. he then
said "i'll suck your dick too" - i just stepped off - went
home. never really saw him again. though i saw some dude
who looked like him blowing another guy in an abandoned
subway entrance at houston near bowery one night as i
walked by up on the street. it was an amazing glimpse and
i had this quiet feeling that both men were ok w/ it even tho
it was the ultimate in wino skuzz. there were so many empty
nights - a poet lives in the building and hes after the girl ive
been kind of seeing - he knew her first. but he's older and
shes my age and we will soon have some heavy encounters
which will destroy my out of control soul. i hang w/ the poet
and his poet friends well into the night sometimes or i stay
out all night w/ the band i play in ripping hood ornaments
off cars and spray painting our band name around soho.
these friendly activities become more intensified and save
me from the void nights of 13th street hell and nothing to
do and no sleep. i begin to chronic wake up about 4pm -
zombie myself outside, eat cheapo polish food - i had a job
uptown at an lp mastering studio but i have no phone and
can't call in. i'd been fired 3 times from this job and eventually
was tossed. of course years later i would return w/ my band
to master my own lp as a client. but ive erased these nights
and it is all and only a whiff of glory.